Casey at Bat

I signed up with a softball team for the exercise and health issue, and besides, Life is Short and I have a long list of things to accomplish! We will be playing rain or shine from what I'm told. I am feeling a little nautious though. Not because I'm worried about getting wet and freezing my arse off...I'm remembering the last time I tried this sport.

Flashback ten years:

I am a newly divorced single mother of a beautiful little toddler...that is the easy part, other than me being an emotional needy wreck. The tough part is balancing motherhood with a full-time job, daycare bills, and dealing with cruel ex-husband and his bitch-slut girlfriend. I realize I'm in dire need of a social life, some new friends, a place to blow off steam, time to laugh and play again.

I've got it! I'll join a softball team! I find a team that plays on Thursdays and I speak to the seemingly friendly coach who is, by the way, "so glad I called because they are short on female players and they could really use me". I'm so excited! I can also bring my daughter because some of the other players have small children and they set up some outdoor fencing contraption for the kids to play in. Perfect!

Now it's the first game of the season. I show up and everybody seems chummy with each other. I long to be a part of that. Introductions are made and all is going well so far. My toddler is instantly friends with the other kids and being a good little sharer in the makeshift pony coral.

I'm placed in the left outfield, a very lonely place. One ball actually gets hit my way and I completely miss it. It hits the ground rolling, so I am awkwardly chasing it down in a hunched fashion with outstretched arms, tripping over my own feet, looking much like a drunk orangutan. When I do finally grab it up, I can't throw it back hard enough to reach the nearest player, which seems to piss nearest player off.

I'm releived when the other team finally uses up their three outs so I can get up to bat. I'm much better at hitting. Now I'll get to prove to these people, my prospective new friends, that I'm not worthless after all. I will be liked and they will let me be chummy too. I am the last one in the bat-up line, but I finally get to the plate. Bases are loaded...uh, no pressure, right? I miss the first two pitches completely, swinging so hard that I do complete turns while whipping the bat through thin air. I turn tomato red with embarrassment when I hear some guy yell "are you a ball-player or a ballerina!?" Crap, I've got to hit the next one. I buckle down, shoulders and bat in position, feet locked, and here comes the ball on a steady, even pitch. Sa-wing! Crack! I hit it? I hit it! Just a ground ball, but I drop the bat and take off for first base. Unfortunately, the ball went directly to the pitcher's feet who, unlike me, is able to pick up a ball. He can throw it too, so the ball makes it back to home plate before the runner does. No points there. Everybody else is stuck between bases and the other team acts quickly. My team goes for it, so I start for first base again. Drats, seems I can't run either. I'm so out.

Just then, I hear screaming coming from the toddler pit. Time out! Me and all other moms come running to find my daughter angrily clutching and hoarding a toy truck that I've never seen before, while another kid is screaming and bleeding from the mouth. Not only am I an inferior ball-player, but a lousy mother too. That's how I feel this very moment and nobody is trying to reassure me that I'm not, apologetic as I am. The cute little owner of the toy truck finally stops bleeding and crying. Everyone is all better. We make sure the kids are playing nicely again and go back to the diamond. I grudgingly finish out the game, doing the best I can, but still the worst player ever.

First game ends, we lose badly, and I am feeling pretty shunned. I don't want to come back. But I do come back for two more Thursdays. I come back hoping that somebody will be nice to me. I come back thinking that the team will laugh and say, "It's just a game! Hey, kids hit and get over it, that's okay! We're here to have fun! Don't worry about it! Have a beer!" They don't say those things. Instead they mumble "who found this chick", and "we're going to lose this season because of her".

I decide that softball people, at least these ones, are wicked and way too serious about something called a game. I realize I'm already dealing with enough in my life, I'm not that needy. I'll never find what I'm looking for here. I quit showing up. They are obviously happy because nobody calls wondering where I am. I find a new gig with aerobics where they offer a toddler room, and I am the skinniest person in the class. I feel so much better and my daughter never once hits anyone again with a toy truck.

Back to today:

I shouldn't feel anxious, because I am on a team now with people who are already my friends. Friends whom I've already warned how I stink at softball. Friends who tell me that they're only in it for the beer and good times. This first game still makes be feel vulnerable though, and reduces me to feeling the pains of my past experience. Looking back, I can see how cruel the other team was, and how I was so emotionally needy that I put up with it for three games. I've come a long way in that respect. But if I couldn't catch, throw or hit back then in my prime of fitness, I certainly can't expect to be any better now. What will they really do when they see I'm not a benefit to the team?

Wish me luck! And stay tuned for the Mudville Nine weekly scores.

Bloggers Unite!

I received this letter today from MoveOn.org - let's work to save our freedom of speech!

Dear MoveOn blogger,

The House of Representatives will soon vote on whether or not to preserve Internet freedom—and our fight to protect Network Neutrality is gaining huge momentum.

The SavetheInternet.com Coalition now has 524 member organizations, 637,386 petition signatures to Congress, 3,251 blog links, and 5,634 MySpace friends. We will only win this fight if the public is mobilized, Congress is bombarded from all angles, and word spreads around the Internet like prairie fire.

Here are some resources to help you blog today about the current threat to Internet freedom:

MoveOn's blogger resource page is full of facts and links to help you inform people about Net Neutrality: http://www.moveon.org/r?r=1771

MoveOn member Mari Fetzer designed a FANTASTIC image with links to 5 things people can do today to preserve Internet freedom. The coding is available at the bottom of: http://www.moveon.org/r?r=1769

Several fun videos are now on the SavetheInternet.com Coalition website, including a great Halo mimick on Net Neutrality: http://www.moveon.org/r?r=1770

Comedy site "Ask A Ninja" has a unique perspective on Net Neutrality: http://www.moveon.org/r?r=1768

Please be sure to include a link to the petition in any posting, and use our blogger resource page to send us your post!

Also included on our blogger resource page is a comment box where you can share your ideas on how thousands of MoveOn blog owners and blog users can work together to maximize our effectiveness in the blogosphere. Your advice will be very valuable as we think about ways to empower MoveOn members to make waves in the blogosphere.

Thanks for all you do.

–Adam Green, Noah T. Winer,
and the MoveOn.org Civic Action team
Thursday, May 11th, 2006

Our Best Interest?

Sad, but probably true:

There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

Life is Short

Those who do not plan for the future will have to live through it anyway.

This little statement sparked a fire under me recently. I've always been pretty responsible, but I'm the type of person who lives for right now. Sure I plan ahead for things, like vacations and fun stuff, but for the most part I'm just dealing with today. When I reflect on any past issues and experiences, I generally realize what I need to learn from it, fix what I can right now, and move on. I just like coming back to the present quickly so I don't miss the party.

Thinking ahead is tougher for me, not used to exercising those brain waves. Now in my (ahem) mid-thirties, I still cannot fathom the day I'll be of age to retire. The real question is, will I even be able to retire? So for the first time in my life, and hopefully it's not too late, I am getting worried about the future. I cannot stop thinking about what is in store for me when I'm an old woman, the state of my bank account/retirement fund, the welfare of my daughter and her education, the condition of the U.S. economy, and wondering if I should marry My Love.

I realize it's time to wise up. I've tamed my out of control budget, am eating healthier, giving my young teen some more responsibility, and learning all I can about politics and current issues so I can get involved.

Life is indeed short. I woke up one day and all of a sudden I'm already half the age of my life expectancy. The party is certainly far from being over...it's just changing rooms.


(Message to My Love ~ That was not a proposal up there, just an afterthought on our talk about what we were initially thinking of.)

Chakra Con

Curiosity sometimes gets to me...here is my free Chakra Reading from Astrology.com. This is only the sample report, with an option to pay $19.95 for the full report:

Your Sun-sign Scorpio rules your colon, prostate gland (if male), and reproduction. These areas of your body are in proximity to your second of Spleen Chakra.

Huh? I have a sun in my colon? A second spleen?

Your Spleen Chakra is ruled by Pluto (for reproduction), and also by the Moon (which rules the emotional side of sexuality). So, in order to keep healthy you need to maintain a positive and accepting attitude towards your deepest feelings and your sexuality. You need to accept your body as well as your emotions. If you have any blocks to doing this, you need to delve deeply into the reasons for this and unravel them.

I'm lost...so because my spleen is ruled by Pluto, I have to stay mentally healthy because otherwise, that would not be good advice.

First, you need to acknowledge any underlying negative beliefs you may have about yourself, then affirm the positive beliefs which would be the opposite to those, and then become established in the new life-affirming beliefs.

Chanting: I am good enough, smart enough, kind enough...and gosh darn it, people like me.

In order to keep bringing in the positive healing, Source energy, you need to keep the parts of your body healthy which the Sun rules, namely your heart and the vertebra of your spine. You also need to ensure that your pancreas and your endocrine glands as a whole are given the right nutrients for their proper functioning.

Wait a minute...I was just getting used to the Sun ruling my colon, now it's moved to my heart and spine? I have to pay attention to my pancreas and glands too? (Please note that this is my personal reading, the average person doesn't have to worry about such body parts.)

As your thoughts become purer and revitalized, your ideas will become healthier too, and your overall health and reproductive power will increase. Venus rules your Heart Chakra and Scorpio is ruled by Pluto, which has domain over your colon and reproduction.

Oh, that clears up the confusion.

The key to having a healthy colon is to feel loved and ultimately to love yourself.

Schnookums, we need to talk...some things have been on my mind lately...I just don't feel that you love me and my colon.

Similarly, the key to a good reproductive capacity and healthy offspring is to begin with the inspiring power of love. This means working on your own issues and learning to love those parts of yourself which may have been neglected in your early years, rather than just pass on problems to the next generation.

Good night, colon. Good night, spleen. Good night, heart. Good night, vertebrae. Tomorrow we'll go out for tofu and a strawberry mango shake. I love you!

Hugs to an American Soldier

I have a friend in the military. "Sarge" is a reservist in the National Guard with a machine and weapons repair unit. He's been in Kuwait since October and has been home on leave for the past two weeks. Tomorrow he will be heading back to work, so he stopped in to say good-bye.

It's scary to think about what he has trained for, what he has faced and what he has to go back to. For now, Sarge is in a much safer area as opposed to those serving on the other side of the Iraqi border. I feel deeply for those with sons and daughters serving in the midst of everyday bombings, snipers, kidnappings, and torture...I cannot imagine what it's like to worry about them so much.

Just about every American is either related to someone, has a friend, or knows someone in the military serving in the Middle East right now...making war that more tangible. So, I feel a need to bash the people in charge who put Sarge over there(*) because I worry, but I won't condemn my friend for doing what he feels in his heart needs to be done. Why he loves to serve his country, how he beleives in what we're doing, and how he works his butt off every day, is not my issue. He is a friend. He is a part of something big, perhaps a greater change than the world can fathom right now. He belongs to it, he is a part of making world history. He is actively participating in/for the idea of freedom and peace. He is there for people like me, people who don't want to be there.

So today I hugged an American soldier good-bye. I wished him good luck and hope to see him again soon...safe and sound.

(* Though I don't agree with what we are doing over there at this time, we were initially off to a good start. Later realizing along with more than half the nation that the initial decision was quite hasty and obviously not planned out, but the intentions were good and noble for the people of Iraq. I digress...my rantings about that would be better suited to a political post. Not my style, but maybe someday...I may be compeled to comment during the pre-election campaigns.)

We've Come a Long Way, Baby

The following is an excerpt from the July 1943 issue of Transportation Magazine. This was written for male supervisors of women in the work force during World War II.

1943 Guide to Hiring Women:
Tips on Getting More Efficiency Out of Women Employees

There's no longer any question whether transit companies should hire women for jobs formerly held by men. The draft and manpower shortage has settled that point. The important things now are to select the most efficient women available and how to use them to the best advantage.

Here are eleven helpful tips on the subject from western properties:

1. If you can get them, pick young married women. They have these advantages, according to the reports of western companies: they usually have more of a sense of responsibility than do their unmarried sisters; they're less likely to be flirtatious; as a rule, they need the work or they wouldn't be doing it — maybe a sick husband or one who's in the army; they still have the pep and interest to work hard and to deal with the public efficiently.

2. When you have to use older women, try to get ones who have worked outside the home at some time in their lives. Most transportation companies have found that older women who have never contacted the public, have a hard time adapting themselves, are inclined to be cantankerous and fussy. It's always well to impress upon older women the importance of friendliness and courtesy.

3. While there are exceptions, of course, to this rule, general experience indicates that "husky" girls — those who are just a little on the heavy side — are likely to be more even-tempered and efficient than their underweight sisters.

4. Retain a physician to give each woman you hire a special physical examination — one covering female conditions. This step not only protects the property against the possibilities of lawsuit but also reveals whether the employee-to-be has any female weaknesses which would make her mentally or physically unfit for the job. Transit companies that follow this practice report a surprising number of women turned down for nervous disorders.

5. In breaking in women who haven't previously done outside work, stress at the outset the importance of time — the fact that a minute or two lost here and there makes serious inroads on schedules. Until this point is gotten across, service is likely to be slowed up.

6. Give the female employe in garage or office a definite day-long schedule of duties so that she'll keep busy without bothering the management for instructions every few minutes. Numerous properties say that women make excellent workers when they have their jobs cut out for them but that they lack initiative in finding work themselves.

7. Whenever possible, let the inside employe change from one job to another at some time during the day. Women are inclined to be nervous and they're happier with change.

8. Give every girl an adequate number of rest periods during the day. Companies that are already using large numbers of women stress the fact that you have to make some allowances for feminine psychology. A girl has more confidence and consequently is more efficient if she can keep her hair tidied, apply fresh lipstick and wash her hands several times a day.

9. Be tactful in issuing instructions or in making criticisms. Women are often sensitive; they can't shrug off harsh words the way that men do. Never ridicule a woman — it breaks her spirit and cuts her efficiency.

10. Be reasonably considerate about using strong language around women. Even though a girl's husband or father may swear vociferously, she'll grow to dislike a place of business where she hears too much of this.

11. Get enough size variety in operator uniforms that each girl can have a proper fit. This point can't be stressed too strongly as a means of keeping women happy, according to western properties.

Pro-Lifer Mixes Message

As I'm pumping really expensive gasoline into my car the other day, my eyes catch the big red & white bumper sticker plastered on the minivan parked in front of me:

ABORTION CAUSES BREAST CANCER

My eyes dart to the pro-lifer, a middle-aged woman fueling up said minivan. She catches my glare. How could I possibly let a statement like that drive away unexplained?

Me: Someone so concerned about breast cancer should list all the possible causes of it.

PL: I'm more concerned with abortion.

Me: That's what I thought.

PL: (Hmph!) Abortion is wrong.

Me: Then why doesn't your sticker say that instead?

PL: Abortion does cause breast cancer, according to studies. (takes a sip of her Diet Coke.)

Me: So does breathing gasoline fumes and drinking aspartame, according to studies, but you have the right to choose to do it.

PL: (Chokes a little) Abortion is murder. If God thinks it's wrong, then it is wrong. It shouldn't be a choice.

Me: Oh, then you also know judgement is wrong. That's God's job, but even He leaves you with that choice.

PL: I'm not making judgements, I'm stating the facts.

Me: Is it a fact that all breast cancer victims have had abortions?

PL: Um...that's not what I...

Me: Is it a fact that if you were raped and became pregnant, you would not have an abortion?

PL: Listen, you are harassing me. You don't know me, you don't know anything about me.

Me: Didn't you put this bumper sticker out there for the world to see your views and get to know you? Do you know anybody that's ever had an abortion? Do you know anybody with breast cancer that's not had an abortion? Why can't you just defend what it says?

PL: (angrily hangs up gas pump, glares at me) I don't have to defend anything, or answer anything. I answer to God and so will you.

Me: Maybe, but in the meantime, are you going to re-think what you're putting out there?

PL: Hmph!

Me: Maybe tomorrow, then. I have a feeling this conversation will bother you all night.

PL: Bitch. (gets into minivan, slams door, peels rubber)

Me: (waving good-bye, all too suddenly aware of sniggling onlookers)

Truth is though, I'm the one left bothered by this run-in. If her sticker had stated "I'm Pro-Life" or "Help Fight Breast Cancer", I could at least respect her freedom of speech, her willingness to take action for a cause...even though I am Pro-Choice and cannot understand why anyone would glue something like that to their expensive machine.

I'm bothered that she mixed the message, wasn't clear about her stance, couldn't intelligently back it up, and ultimately resorted to calling me a name. I hope she was provoked to think about it and decides to remove the sticker. I hope the paint chips off her bumper.